First morning pages

Hmm morning pages. Installment one, don’t quite know what to write about, I guess maybe I should read the Artists way book first? Or if the whole purpose is to stimulate unbridled creativity then plunge head first as i’ve done, with no prior instruction and just write. I know they are meant to be written by hand, at least 3 pages without stopping but I am a digital bunny of 21st century so writing just ain’t my style. I see if my creativity flows out just as easily through typing. And hey if I type faster than I speak or sometimes even think, that must be the direct route to accessing creativity beyond mind. Going to try the dangerous option of spell check off and see just how well i type. Capitalizing the i would be preferred even with the spellcheck off but i wanted it raw, so here it goes raw. Can’t stop thinking of whether there is any value in posting this on my blog at all. It has been a digital brain dump’ster of mine for several years now so i guess some more brain dumpage won’t hurt and will only add to the formless soup that is my writing.

Do morning videos count as morning pages?

I guess i am missing a vital point of making them private so that my conscious and subconscious allow themselves free reign and expression. I will openly express then first, and then decide whether something is worth posting. Loving the cursor movement in this iPad app “writings” – highly recommended for distraction free writing. Haha i am writing as if for an audience already, so much for private free flow of thought. Or does it mean my thinking shows up in my head tailor made for an audience? I guess so, an audience of one at least.

300 words, not even half way, and already thinking has been exposed as a show in my head intended for me to observe. Maybe even, like any good show, it was be expertly crafted to grab my attention, solicit strong emotions, fixation and identification with the characters. Now there’s a clever thought, my thinking apparatus (my ego! Excuse the dirty word…) is feeling quite pleased with itself.

And with that we arrive at half way 375 words – now, that wasn’t too bad and was quite enjoyable. I was even able to disidentify from my thoughts and genuinely call this leaving breathing thought feeling contraption of a person “we”. Not much in terms of integrations, but certainly helpful to be able to operate this contraption on a daily basis better.

Hit my first pause just now. Should i just write about anything that comes to mind? My procrastination in writing personal emails is weighing heavily on me now, made into especially sore of a point by my adding it as a task to my task list. When i write i inevitably write long, and to write long i need a chunk of time, and i can’t recall the last time my time came in chunks. Anyways, it has been an obsession of mine for a long time, and where i try to make amends by accepting this about me as just the way i am, and partly by substituting emails with phone and Skype catch up, i guess i have u done some of my efforts by scheduling it in as a task. Nice catching myself shooting myself in the foot. Realizing its been me shooting doesn’t make it hurt any less, perhaps even more, but it means i can now stop doing that.

Hitting pause number 2… Distracting myself with an apple and a trip to the bathroom. I am breaking all sorts of morning pages rules on my first attempt but hey, that’s life right? Constant breaking of rules and guidelines. “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans” quote comes to mind. Indeed i now always preface any of my plan sharing with people with a disclaimer that my life rarely flows according to plan, but hey i get to have triple the fun: first, imagining my various plans; then live the actual life as it happens rarely according to plan bringing me new and unexpected delights, and finally reliving the highlights in my gratitude blog and feeling profound gratitude for which there is rarely any space left in the moment, be it so busy with all sorts of other emotions and sensations.

That would have been a nice place to stop and i was contemplating breaking one more morning pages rule, but i was short of 12 words for the prerequisite 750 (someone’s estimate of 3 pages). Now i no longer am but surprisingly can not stop writing. Apple is making me hiccup now. Writing in bed is definitely a pleasure but eating apples is fraught (what does this word really mean? I hear it a lot…) with danger so i am going to wrap up here and sit up to deal with the apple remains.