NOT following my feelings

Write, just write, don’t wait for it. Pretend that it’s not going up online, not now, not ever… Why is this so hard?.. What else can I tell them about how to live a great live? What value am I offering? How can I get really excited about myself and want to spread the word out and reach as many people as possible? I guess it is a little hard to shift into that frame of mind if one of my life’s philosophies is “live and let live” – everyone has their own path and i just don’t know what’s best for anybody. But what if I explore this further? If I build my wonderful life around the information and advice other have put out there through various mediums, actively seeking it out and trying each one out in my own life, I am not then telling people how to live their life, I am only sharing about how I live my own.

Had a talk with a friend just now, stirred up some interesting thought. When asked what do I feel and think about, I had to admit that the majority of my day I spend thinking about going back to Vanuatu and making chocolate. I don’t think about Italy at all, yet I am going there cause that’s the plan and it’s on the way and blah blah blah. It is not strong enough like last year arriving in Melbourne, a feeling of downright ecstasy of being in a place that made me change all my plans. And its coming, just not now but in a few months after Italy. And it’s this and it’s that. Maybe my last year’s resolution of faithfully following my feelings and not my head didn’t teach me anything after all, even though I thought it had. Yet it is what it is, my mind is way stronger at this time at directing my next step. Observing myself…

Vision vision vision, what vision can I share with the world? What can I get excited about enough? I get excited by simple things like blueberries and sunsets and dogs, but traveling around the world or going to Italy is all just a matter of fact. I must have had my excitement scale installed the wrong way around at birth. I like staying in bed and reading while I am traveling around the world lol. Maybe, and I knew that before, no matter how paradoxical it sounds, I just am not a traveller in spirit! I’m not, this round and round the world thing just happens to me, one thing leads to another and oops! – I find myself on the other side of the planet again.

These are the slowest going pages in history. Granted, I’ve been on the phone for a little while but I woke up at noon and now it’s past 2 pm and I am not even at 500 words yet. I have played with nails a whole lot though, love the new green, never had a green nail polish before, it’s lovely.

Hired 3 people yesterday, each for a different task and purpose, feel like a veritable business owner now *pat on the back* I even feel I have finally found someone to manage my business for me again day to day so I can go back to my free flowing state of semi retirement. Very excited, some days of training and then I am free, right in time for Italy.

As soon as I think of Italy, Vanuatu is right there on my mind again – I even got a yearly race personal tent invitation for the first time this year and will have to miss it.

Arrgh, this is torture, even my nails can’t take any more picking and twirling, got to finish this up and go have “breakfast”. 100 more words…

How I feel? Peaceful, and on purpose, accomplishing a great deal each day, expanding into an even greater space and time container. I just have thought of another proficiency of mine – I create time! It’s such a personal and subjective thing though but I have turned it into quite an art form of it’s own – I do so many things, and want to do yet so many more, but somehow I am always in a state of relaxed spaciousness, lingering, “taking my time” with everything. It’s weird, it’s certainly a different way of looking at it but it’s true.

Should I cheat and finish here, or… add just 5 more words and… finally…HOORAY!!!